Life

The trip that was supposed to be two weeks away had to be moved to this weekend, so I am rushing around trying to get ready. That mainly involves getting certain food ready to travel. ha I've tried not to be too picky about what my kids eat when we're gone, but if I don't prepare at all we have some pretty bad consequences. Of course, I've also been making sure bills are paid and clothes are washed.

Today I was having a conversation with a friend who lost her 3-year-old daughter almost a year ago. I always feel that anything I have to offer is just shallow because my loss was of a child I never got to know, but I do know some of the feelings and questions that loss brings. I think one of the biggest issues for me is trust. I told Evan earlier this year that I just can't trust God. I know that sounds petty and trivial, but that is honestly how I felt. All I was facing was a sick child, but the fear of having that child taken away from me or seeing that child in pain overwhelmed me. How do I trust a God if I don't know He will shield me from pain? How do I submit myself (which is what He requires and must have) to a God whom I cannot trust? Without faith, it is impossible to please God. I have to decide what I am going to do. I have to believe Him and His Word.

God is good. No matter what I see or hear, I must believe that God is good. I tend to judge Him by my standards, but He IS good. Everything He is, is the very definition of good.
So, what did I do? I knew I had no where else to go. That sounds pathetic, but even the disciples said the same thing to Jesus when He asked if they were going to leave Him. Who else has the words of life? No one. I could get mad and run away, but He is the only one who gives meaning to life. I could tell Him that His logic stinks and that I don't like it, but it doesn't change the fact that He is truth. If I want truth or goodness or life or love, it must be through Him.
So I asked Him for help, which He's already given: His Spirit and His Word. I read and I know that it is truth. "No sooner doth the truth....come into the soul's sight, but the soul knows her to be her first and old acquaintance." ~Whichcote
And I love Him. When I look, He is everywhere. I see Him in my boy's excited face and in my girl's sweet kisses. And He is good.

Good day

It has been a really good day. I've gotten quite a bit done, and we got to play at the park close to our house with some of our friends for quite a while today. The weather was beautiful, and we enjoyed the sunshine. :-)
For some reason, though, I just feel tired. Maybe it's because I am. ha I also read something I shouldn't have read on a random blog this evening, and it caught me off-guard in my tired state of mind. It was a homeschooling blog, but there was a link to a story at the bottom about their little girl who died. And I clicked. Very bad idea. I cried. I got mental images of dead, limp babies. Ugh. I hate death. And, to be honest, I'm scared of it. Not for myself, really, but for my children. I should rephrase. I'm not scared of my own death but any premature (in my eyes) death of my children. I'm scared of the horrid feeling of watching my child die.
So. I'm not going to sink. I'm going to remember. His promises. His Word. Without those things, life would be miserable. But WITH them? Life is just a passing through. We are not of this world; this world is not our home. My life is hid with Christ in God. I do not live for myself. My life is not my own. I serve Another. And He LOVES me.
"Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls --
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer's feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills." --Habakkuk 3:17-19

I am amazed at the difference it makes. I love His Word. :-)

Books I am reading

...or have read in the past weeks. :-)
Bono In Conversation with Michka Assayas was very interesting. Someone on FB posted an excerpt from the book and got my attention. It was published in 2004, I believe, so he may have changed some, but I found it thought-provoking. I suppose I had already put him in a category in my head without realizing it. I found it most surprising how often his conversation turned to God, and in such a real way.
One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I really needed to hear/read what she had to say. Her words helped me to refocus on what is essential: a thankful heart. She was so practical in her application, especially from a mother's point of view.
For the Family's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. I've read For the Children's Sake, and now I'm reading this before (most likely) giving it to someone else to read. I haven't read too much of it yet, but so far she's mostly talking about foundational worldview issues.
Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian. I've read this book before; now I'm just going through and reading/praying the prayers. This is another book that has been just what I need. I have seen things begin to happen, in my attitude and in his. The funny thing is that I'm surprised. Prayer works? Really? Thank you, God, for being so patient.
Books I need:
How to be Patient When Raising a Boy
How to Include as Much Physical Labor in Day-to-Day Activities as Possible (for above boy)
How to Raise Your Specific Children (Guidelines, Talking Points, and Paper bag included)
Oh, wait. I suppose the Holy Spirit would like some influence in there, hmmm? I just have to be still and wait on Him. Maybe that's where the boy gets it from. ;-)

Love this...

"When the laundry is for the dozen arms of children or the dozen legs, it's true, I think I'm due some appreciation. So comes a storm of trouble and lightning strikes joy. But when Christ is at the center, when dishes, laundry, work, is my song of thanks to Him, joy rains. Passionately serving Christ alone makes us the loving servant of all....The work becomes worship, a liturgy of thankfulness."
One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

One word of warning about this book. The first page is, hmmmm, interesting. I probably would not have thought so had Evan not found the book lying on our counter before I had a chance to read it and read the first paragraph. He thought it was very, very strange. He said that she was messed up. I was washing dishes, so I finally convinced him to read it to me to show me what he meant. It was really hilarious. In spite of that beginning, I really enjoyed the book. ;-) Now I've got to go back and reread it without the noise of children in the background.

I went to a Charlotte Mason seminar this weekend and enjoyed myself very muchly. :-) I especially enjoyed the session labeled: Four Ways to Destroy Your Child's Desire for Knowledge. ha I came away with a lot of good ideas and information. I am so thankful to have this group.

Brrrr!

We had a lovely weekend with wonderful weather, but the cold is back now! I have to remind myself to be thankful for the beautiful weather while it's here; it is, after all, February. ;-)
It looks like study time will be at least three hours a night for four nights (he scheduled Friday nights as "off" nights!), and 4-6 each day on the weekend. I CAN do this. Last week was a good week, and I'm thankful that the weather allowed us to be outside so much of the time.
Okay, so, I'm trying to simplify. Today I threw away my coupon box. I took out only coupons of items that we actually buy and threw everything else away. I'm hoping this will prevent me from keeping coupon inserts lying on the bar for forever because I just don't cut them out. It doesn't take long to flip through them and pick the two or three coupons I might actually use to cut out. I just haven't had time to do "deals" at Walgreens lately, so I'm saying good-bye.
Now I have to figure out how to cut some things will really help me, not just something that I've already been letting go since the chick was born. ha '
I made granola this weekend and actually made yogurt again. I think kefir is going to be a rare thing around here, only for soaking, because we just eat yogurt better. And yogurt and granola makes a really, really, simple breakfast. :-)
I cut up some of my Granny Smith apples and dried them, and the kids love them. I'm hoping to get another 20 pounds at the next Azure Standard pick-up. Dried apples just make a wonderful take-along snack that isn't messy. I chopped some of them and put them in the granola. Yay for a simple breakfast, right? ha
My other area of simplicity is going to be my garden. I'm not going to go crazy over it this year. We are members of the farm, so I'll just plan on that and grow a few things that I really want to grow. My garlic is already coming up, which is exciting! It took so little time and effort.
Laundry is calling, so I must run. The chick has had a low-grade fever today and been very, um, clingy/whiny/fussy, so I'm having to work overtime on this dreary day to keep a good attitude. :-)

A new day

I think some people may have looked at me strangely when I did not celebrate profusely when Evan graduated with his masters degree. I knew he still had at least a full year (including a whole summer) of accounting classes to take to become eligible to sit for the CPA exam. Everyone kept asking me as the year of classes drew to a close if I was happy that it was over. I was not excited. I knew he had to study for the CPA exam. That is where we are. He has his Becker review course, and he told me that "they" tell him to expect it to take about 30 hours a week and to tell significant others to give them a break because it will be worth it. ;-) If only I hadn't been hearing that the past five years. Or more. ;-) No, really, I'm trying to be supportive. He came home for dinner tonight, stayed about an hour and a half, then went to a library to study since home is a bit too distracting. He said he'll be home by eleven. Three hours every week night and seven hours each day on the weekend is how he figures it. I'm hoping that he's overshot a little. However, I must say, I DO want him to pass all four tests the first time. If he does, October will probably be the end.
So here I am. I've been majorly emotional this weekend, almost despairing as I looked ahead at all the husband/daddy-less time. However, today I discovered the reason (probably) for the slightly over-dramatic reaction, so I am trying to think hopeful thoughts. I also got my floor mopped today, and that is BIG in my world. I feel like a different person if my floor is clean. I would honestly pay someone to come in once a week and mop my floor, especially since it never gets done that often (unless you count the hundreds of times a week I'm on my hands and knees cleaning up a mess that has been made). :-)
I also (while mopping my floor) made crepes with some sourdough starter that has been in my fridge for close to a month. My fridge is FULL right now, and something had to go. This starter was my "extra," and I kept forgetting to take it out and feed it. I even made a double batch of crepes because I had almost two cups of starter. And Evan loved them. ?? I'll use them to make breakfasts/lunches/snacks for the kids. They are so useful, really.
That's all, I suppose. Maybe I'll go watch a movie and knit. Or clean the bathrooms. :-@ I'm always so much more productive when he's not home. But I'd rather have him home. ;-)

I love this song.

Newsboys
When The Tears Fall lyrics

I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing, that I'll cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My defender, forevermore

When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You, I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You
And I will praise You, Jesus praise You
Through the suffering still I will sing

When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

Oh yes, You are good to me
You've always been good to me
So trustworthy

When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You, and I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You
(I will sing to You) I will praise You,
Jesus praise You through the suffering
Still I will sing

How faithful and true
Sustain me through and through
You are hope and truth
You're my spring of living water
You're my spring of living water

In the lone hour of my sorrow

Like a well watered garden
Who springs never fail
Faithful and truth
Like a well watered garden
Like a spring that never fails
You're my spring and never fails

Kombucha

A friend had an extra "scoby" (symbiotic colony of bacteria and yeast - yummy), so I thought maybe I'd try to make some kombucha. It's been twelve days, and no new "baby" has formed, so I have no clue if I've done it right. I'm still waiting on my friend to get back to me on my questions. I did taste it, though, and it is very interesting. Right now it tastes like apple juice mixed with ginger ale (sort-of). All I did was brew black tea, add white sugar (supposedly the scoby eats all the sugar), and put the scoby on top. It's been fermenting for 12 days now. Hmmmm.
In other news, Evan loves my sourdough biscuits. I made some a few nights ago to go with soup, and I just put one by his plate. He ate it then said, "Wow, that was outstanding!" ;-) Yes, it made me happy. He still doesn't want sourdough pizza crust. And he will NOT taste the kombucha. ha ha ha

Currently I'm trying to get back into a monthly menu plan. I don't know that I ever completely got it down before, but over the holidays I was really going from week to week. I put two meals in the freezer this week just by splitting casseroles, eating one half and freezing the other (shepherd's pie and Mexican lasagna).
Nathan's school is going well, all fifteen minutes of it. :-) Well, it would probably be closer to an hour to two hours, depending on the day, if you added all the time I read to him outside of our Bible story. Of course, if you counted the time that I cook with him, talk to him about the water table, or show him how to measure with his tape measure, we could be talking a hefty amount of school time! :-D
Oh, I'm also going to be starting to work on his manners at the table. He isn't that bad whenever it's just us, but when other people come over he is not pleasant. I need to research something fun to do with him that includes being a gentleman and having manners. I guess I should be doing that right now. That, and researching the link between saturated fats and heart disease. Evan is convinced that I'm going to give him heart disease. My reply is that, if he gets heart disease, I will blame his stress level and lack of exercise. ;-)

P.S. This article made him feel better.

Sour dough

So, I've officially burned out my husband on sourdough. Poor thing. He says it smells rotten. :-) He likes the pancakes, crepes, and crackers, but he doesn't like the bread, pizza dough, or English muffins. Oh, he also liked the sourdough pasta I made. I guess I should give up the things he just doesn't like and move ahead. Or only have the kids and I eat them. ;-)
I made pasta again today, but it is just difficult to get it the right consistency for my extruder. I guess I should make the regular recipe to try to get the feel for the consistency.
I'm making kombucha. Evan is taking that really well, actually. I think he's curious. I told him not to look at it because it would gross him out, but he did anyway. He said that I'm crazy. ha Good thing I don't always take him seriously.
This month I am hoping to get back on schedule with Nathan's school work; I just really need a few hours without distraction to work on it, and I haven't gotten that yet. :-) We read like crazy, and Nathan is such a thinker. When it comes to sounding out words, though, he totally balks. I am going to take a very slow approach, but I'm really wondering if he's even ready. I've heard enough people talk about their children and reading that I'm not worried that he won't. I'm just worried he won't be reading on his daddy's schedule. And daddy is a little anal about such things. Okay, not a little. ha We've just seen some really bad homeschool examples set, and Evan is determined that I will not homeschool like that. I think the biggest problem is that I've done all the research and reading, and it all makes sense. He just pops his head into our world occasionally (like when he's not in school), and he freaks out because our world doesn't look like he thought it would. :0) If I take the time to really explain my philosophy to him, he seems to get it and relax.
My philosophy? Well, I suppose that, in regards to reading, I think that Nathan is already a well-read child. I was thinking about the books he has already had read to him, and it's quite a list. He loves it, though. His mind, his thinking, is being formed. He has a great vocabulary, and he uses it. He cannot read, though. But the physical act of reading will come when he is developmentally read for it. It's my job to constantly be on the look-out for his readiness. Every day we work on sounding out one word, two or three letters long. He still tries to add letters that aren't there or making ridiculously long words out of three letters. He often looks away while sounding out the word. He's not ready yet. But I really believe that it will come. If his mind is busy making other connections right now, I don't want to force the reading. I read in Endangered Minds that children who are taught the higher-level math skills at a young age will learn to do those equations. Their brains will force a path, no matter how crazy and crooked. However, that path will not be the easiest path, and it will require much mental effort (and often lack understanding) and that is always the path the brain will follow. If the children are taught the higher-level math skills when their brains are ready, their brains make simple paths because all they have to do is build on to what they already understand and what their brains are ready for. Goodness, that was hard to explain, and I'm not sure I did the best job explaining it. Long story short, I believe that when his brain is ready, he will take off. And he will love it. I know two moms whose boys did not learn to read until they were eight years old. By the time they were nine, they had read The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Of course, I doubt they had only had Cat in the Hat read to them up until that time. ;-)
Homeschooling is a huge responsibility. I have to be willing to stay alert. I have to know my child well enough to know when he is not ready for something as opposed to just being too lazy to put forth the effort to do it. But I'm happy because he would not be given the opportunity to learn at his developmental level in school. He would be forced to conform to whatever nonsense standards the schools put out there. He would also learn, like I did even in college, to work a system to get the desired results, which does not always entail learning or knowledge. Of course, I've said nothing about the highest reason why I homeschool; this is just one of the many reasons.
Goodness, I think I've said enough. I wonder how much of this I will agree with in a year. ;-) I'll say this, though, I am so excited to be able to walk this road with my kids. That's why I love the Charlotte Mason philosophy: it involves all of life, created through Him and for Him. There is a purpose. :-) If my kids get that point, I'll be happy.