The trip that was supposed to be two weeks away had to be moved to this weekend, so I am rushing around trying to get ready. That mainly involves getting certain food ready to travel. ha I've tried not to be too picky about what my kids eat when we're gone, but if I don't prepare at all we have some pretty bad consequences. Of course, I've also been making sure bills are paid and clothes are washed.
Today I was having a conversation with a friend who lost her 3-year-old daughter almost a year ago. I always feel that anything I have to offer is just shallow because my loss was of a child I never got to know, but I do know some of the feelings and questions that loss brings. I think one of the biggest issues for me is trust. I told Evan earlier this year that I just can't trust God. I know that sounds petty and trivial, but that is honestly how I felt. All I was facing was a sick child, but the fear of having that child taken away from me or seeing that child in pain overwhelmed me. How do I trust a God if I don't know He will shield me from pain? How do I submit myself (which is what He requires and must have) to a God whom I cannot trust? Without faith, it is impossible to please God. I have to decide what I am going to do. I have to believe Him and His Word.
God is good. No matter what I see or hear, I must believe that God is good. I tend to judge Him by my standards, but He IS good. Everything He is, is the very definition of good.
So, what did I do? I knew I had no where else to go. That sounds pathetic, but even the disciples said the same thing to Jesus when He asked if they were going to leave Him. Who else has the words of life? No one. I could get mad and run away, but He is the only one who gives meaning to life. I could tell Him that His logic stinks and that I don't like it, but it doesn't change the fact that He is truth. If I want truth or goodness or life or love, it must be through Him.
So I asked Him for help, which He's already given: His Spirit and His Word. I read and I know that it is truth. "No sooner doth the truth....come into the soul's sight, but the soul knows her to be her first and old acquaintance." ~Whichcote
And I love Him. When I look, He is everywhere. I see Him in my boy's excited face and in my girl's sweet kisses. And He is good.
A Perplexing Question
7 hours ago
2 comments:
I saw this quote today, and it made me think of your last couple posts here: “We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” ~ C.S. Lewis from a letter
Love ya
Exactly. :-) And I am also reminded how we tell our children that if they sit still and chill the process won't hurt so badly. I think that is part of my problem. I wiggle and squirm and make things much harder than they have to be. Sometimes fear of the pain is worse than the actual pain.
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