Life

The trip that was supposed to be two weeks away had to be moved to this weekend, so I am rushing around trying to get ready. That mainly involves getting certain food ready to travel. ha I've tried not to be too picky about what my kids eat when we're gone, but if I don't prepare at all we have some pretty bad consequences. Of course, I've also been making sure bills are paid and clothes are washed.

Today I was having a conversation with a friend who lost her 3-year-old daughter almost a year ago. I always feel that anything I have to offer is just shallow because my loss was of a child I never got to know, but I do know some of the feelings and questions that loss brings. I think one of the biggest issues for me is trust. I told Evan earlier this year that I just can't trust God. I know that sounds petty and trivial, but that is honestly how I felt. All I was facing was a sick child, but the fear of having that child taken away from me or seeing that child in pain overwhelmed me. How do I trust a God if I don't know He will shield me from pain? How do I submit myself (which is what He requires and must have) to a God whom I cannot trust? Without faith, it is impossible to please God. I have to decide what I am going to do. I have to believe Him and His Word.

God is good. No matter what I see or hear, I must believe that God is good. I tend to judge Him by my standards, but He IS good. Everything He is, is the very definition of good.
So, what did I do? I knew I had no where else to go. That sounds pathetic, but even the disciples said the same thing to Jesus when He asked if they were going to leave Him. Who else has the words of life? No one. I could get mad and run away, but He is the only one who gives meaning to life. I could tell Him that His logic stinks and that I don't like it, but it doesn't change the fact that He is truth. If I want truth or goodness or life or love, it must be through Him.
So I asked Him for help, which He's already given: His Spirit and His Word. I read and I know that it is truth. "No sooner doth the truth....come into the soul's sight, but the soul knows her to be her first and old acquaintance." ~Whichcote
And I love Him. When I look, He is everywhere. I see Him in my boy's excited face and in my girl's sweet kisses. And He is good.

Good day

It has been a really good day. I've gotten quite a bit done, and we got to play at the park close to our house with some of our friends for quite a while today. The weather was beautiful, and we enjoyed the sunshine. :-)
For some reason, though, I just feel tired. Maybe it's because I am. ha I also read something I shouldn't have read on a random blog this evening, and it caught me off-guard in my tired state of mind. It was a homeschooling blog, but there was a link to a story at the bottom about their little girl who died. And I clicked. Very bad idea. I cried. I got mental images of dead, limp babies. Ugh. I hate death. And, to be honest, I'm scared of it. Not for myself, really, but for my children. I should rephrase. I'm not scared of my own death but any premature (in my eyes) death of my children. I'm scared of the horrid feeling of watching my child die.
So. I'm not going to sink. I'm going to remember. His promises. His Word. Without those things, life would be miserable. But WITH them? Life is just a passing through. We are not of this world; this world is not our home. My life is hid with Christ in God. I do not live for myself. My life is not my own. I serve Another. And He LOVES me.
"Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls --
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer's feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills." --Habakkuk 3:17-19

I am amazed at the difference it makes. I love His Word. :-)

Books I am reading

...or have read in the past weeks. :-)
Bono In Conversation with Michka Assayas was very interesting. Someone on FB posted an excerpt from the book and got my attention. It was published in 2004, I believe, so he may have changed some, but I found it thought-provoking. I suppose I had already put him in a category in my head without realizing it. I found it most surprising how often his conversation turned to God, and in such a real way.
One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I really needed to hear/read what she had to say. Her words helped me to refocus on what is essential: a thankful heart. She was so practical in her application, especially from a mother's point of view.
For the Family's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. I've read For the Children's Sake, and now I'm reading this before (most likely) giving it to someone else to read. I haven't read too much of it yet, but so far she's mostly talking about foundational worldview issues.
Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian. I've read this book before; now I'm just going through and reading/praying the prayers. This is another book that has been just what I need. I have seen things begin to happen, in my attitude and in his. The funny thing is that I'm surprised. Prayer works? Really? Thank you, God, for being so patient.
Books I need:
How to be Patient When Raising a Boy
How to Include as Much Physical Labor in Day-to-Day Activities as Possible (for above boy)
How to Raise Your Specific Children (Guidelines, Talking Points, and Paper bag included)
Oh, wait. I suppose the Holy Spirit would like some influence in there, hmmm? I just have to be still and wait on Him. Maybe that's where the boy gets it from. ;-)

Love this...

"When the laundry is for the dozen arms of children or the dozen legs, it's true, I think I'm due some appreciation. So comes a storm of trouble and lightning strikes joy. But when Christ is at the center, when dishes, laundry, work, is my song of thanks to Him, joy rains. Passionately serving Christ alone makes us the loving servant of all....The work becomes worship, a liturgy of thankfulness."
One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

One word of warning about this book. The first page is, hmmmm, interesting. I probably would not have thought so had Evan not found the book lying on our counter before I had a chance to read it and read the first paragraph. He thought it was very, very strange. He said that she was messed up. I was washing dishes, so I finally convinced him to read it to me to show me what he meant. It was really hilarious. In spite of that beginning, I really enjoyed the book. ;-) Now I've got to go back and reread it without the noise of children in the background.

I went to a Charlotte Mason seminar this weekend and enjoyed myself very muchly. :-) I especially enjoyed the session labeled: Four Ways to Destroy Your Child's Desire for Knowledge. ha I came away with a lot of good ideas and information. I am so thankful to have this group.